This semester is winding down quickly -- we only have one more group of narratives left. This week we heard five interesting pieces. First, about the complex decision-making process of finding your way to your true calling (or making your way back to your true calling after travelling to Australia); second, paying the price of being a good friend to someone too deeply affected by drugs to return to her former self. Third, we had a glimpse into the politics of international pipe bands and how important it is to perseverere with your passion; fourth, how sometimes something like water skiing seems insurmountable when older cousins can do it so easily, yet with time and good mentoring we can succeed. Last, we heard about philosophy in the daycare, and saw how even young children can grasp complex moral ideas and the importance of discussing these concepts in appropriate contexts.
In our lecture, we talked about the qualities good leaders have, in particular being able to connect with all kinds of people. We also looked at the status of women and the continuing issues that prevent equality and full respect as human beings. We filled out a questionnaire on marriage and long term relationships, which led into this week's story, "Man and Wife" by Katie Chase. As we've mentioned before, some literature intends to shock or disturb in order to get us to think more deeply.
Just a reminder, the blogs are due next week. Post your last entry on this prompt and then e-mail them to me, if possible.
I'm looking forward to reading your papers!
The short story for this week, “Man and Wife”, shocked me. I did not expect to read about an arranged marriage between an extremely young girl and middle-aged man. The normality of this type of relationship was the most striking part of the piece of literature. Although Mary Ellen appears to be apprehensive and confused about the situation she is placed into, her parents are overjoyed at the fact someone wants to marry her at such a young age. The story forces me to remember that our western society often limits our recognition of different types of relationships. Although many who read this story will ultimately feel disgusted, the type of marriage is probably a common occurrence somewhere else. However, the removal of culture or religion from the short story makes it difficult to blame this type of relationship on any one institution. In our own society, we often look at East Indian arranged marriages as examples of male dominated backwards cultures, or openly criticize other religions that do not follow our ideas about marriage. However, who says that our ideas are right? The standard norms in western society may appear to be completely weird and backward to another place in the world. Sometimes, it takes a very shocking piece of literature for the reader to realize how judgemental and narrow minded they really are.
ReplyDeleteIn addition, the involvement of parents in Mary Ellen’s marriage would appear to be okay because she is still at such a young age. However, I do not think that parental input is always the best for a relationship. Even though parents may believe that they known their children the best and therefore know what is best for them, the dynamics of a romantic relationship are very different from a family one. In addition, as is seen in the short story, parent’s ideas and traditions can be transferred to their children without their consent. If Mary Ellen had gotten married on her own terms, the cycle of arranged marriages in her family may have ended. The freedom to choose your own future is an important part of growing up. In my own life, I would not want my parents controlling whom I married, or how I should conduct my life. However, I think, once again, that in our western society, we take this freedom for granted. It may be that an arranged marriage is a better option, but for now, I believe that choice is important to establishing a good relationship.
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ReplyDeleteThis week I heard five more interesting narratives in class. Many people write about how they are first discouraged by life than slowly find their way to their true calling. I envy their strenghs, even just the thought of writting it down on the narrative. I think writting what you truely feel is like making the first step towards your vision. Unlike them, I have long lost my passion by the steps I took in life to avoid failiure and roadblocks in the short run. I felt like I have missed something very important everytime i hear narratives from other poeple discussing their own passions. The experience of reading and hearing other people's narratives left me with a mental scar - not in a bad way, of course. Because of their strengths and willingness to share their own experience and dreams, I constantly worry and start planning about how to make my own thoughts and ideas into reality. This narrative reading experience has made me realized the importance of perserving my own passion and remain compassionate about life under any circomstasnces.
ReplyDeleteThis week's reading "Amn and Wife" by Katie Chase made me really disturbed and was glad that I have a life of my own and freedom as an independent woman. The questionnaire on marraige and long term relationships brought back many of my memories on my last long term relationship with my ex-boyfriend. In reality, I have considered almsot all of the questions in the questionnaire with him but we still did not end up as happily ever after. He is a very tranditional man and believe in the higher status of men as opposed to women. I was deeply hurt during the five year relationship. Personally i feel that even though we are making an effort to improve women's right for equality, the dream is still yet to be achieved by many mothers, sisters, aunts, wives, and daughters. I hope our society can continue to keep working on promoting gender equalities throughout workforce and education. By placing men and women on an equal level, the relatively increased value of women will also benefit men by informing them of the strenghts and contributions of members of the opposite sex. Thruogh time and effort, we can eliminate the inequalities and create new understandings and new beginnings that respect for those around us and what we can bring to each other's lives.
My grandfather has a strong passion for pipe music and has composed pieces for my uncle, a former piper. I often purchase SFU Pipe Band cd’s for my grandfather since we both love the music. I thought my purchase was supporting a proud group of skilled musicians connected to our school. However a matter regarding the band’s integrity was brought to light in a student narrative, making me reflect on how moral mooring is needed in our society. While I cannot imagine that the entire SFU band conspired to ruin our classmate’s band to eliminate competition, I wonder how a decision was made with so little regard for consequences on others. I hope that I can reflect on my actions so that I am taking their interests – not only mine – into account. In connection to the student who introduced her pre-school children to moral perspectives, maybe she can find opportunity to help children reflect on how their lies might make others feel – she may have already done this! This student demonstrated strong leadership in taking an otherwise negative situation and turning it into a positive learning experience for everyone.
ReplyDeleteIn "Man and Wife", Katie Chase did a wonderful job of demonstrating our innate ability to adapt when faced with life altering situations. In childhood, decisions for Mary Ellen were made for her however she went on to take control of the situation. It was 1960 before women aged 18 and above were granted the right to vote in Canada. While strides have been taken since then by female leaders in various occupations, Sue brought to light that there is still work to be done.
I cannot fathom how the value of a female life can be seen as less valuable than that of a man’s; thought of 100 million missing women is gut wrenching. The most meaningful relationship I have had was with a girl who I felt was my complete equal. We had different attitudes and views but I never felt that she was less capable than I in any way. People who are different, whether it be in gender, race or sexual orientation, are our equals as sentient human beings.
Reading Man and Wife was unsettling to me, not because of the idea of arrange marriages but because of the age between the two. A marriage between a child and elder man seems to be completely wrong and in my mind I could not help but think of pedophile. I know and understand that arrange marriages happen and I have nothing against them, I believe it is an individual and cultural choice, however I do not agree with the age concept that was displayed in the story. All the while knowing getting married as child was not un-common before. Having time to think about the concept of arrange marriage pertaining to the story, I removed the ages of the characters in my mind and began to think about the relationship, how the marriage was formed and on what reasons. This lent me to the comparison between arrange marriages and love marriages that are often done in negative connotations and I began to realize the similarities between the two.
ReplyDeleteArranged marriages have taken place for thousands of years around the world and are generally not questioned. However, in situations where different groups of people have taken the practice of arranged marriage into western society, this is what often happens. This is primarily because of the influence that western culture has on society. One of the biggest areas of conflict in such situations is with children, who may have spent all or most of their lives in western society and have different views on arranged marriages than their parents. Thus, many people are faced with the obstacle of choosing between love and culture.
Although, people in western societies are free to marry whomever they want, people tend to marry within their own religion and class anyway. It has been said that 90 percent of all marriages in the US occur between people of the same religion, ethnicity, class, education, and age group. So in many ways, the love marriages are not as different from arranged marriages as they may seem. One of the goals of arranged marriages is to make sure that people marry those they are compatible with. The same is true for love marriages in the west. Arrange marriages also take upon themselves to make sure the family and their values are the same, this is also true for love marriages, most people want to be with someone that holds the same values as them. Although in love marriages parents do not play a role in the arrangement, the outcome of the marriage seems to hold the same basic structure as arrange marriages that embody almost everything except the absence of parental involvement.
Some people have even argued that arranged marriages do a better job of making sure that people are compatible than marriages based on falling in love. Love marriages often fail because the people are so focused on the love aspect of the relationship that they are often faced with a blurred reality. It is hard in today’s day in age, especially in the western society to think that love marriages do not hold to what we convince of them. Yet I found myself thinking that, it is now in the western society, in our time and our culture that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, a culture that embodies the idea of love marriage. Compared to other places that embody the idea of arrange marriages and have far less to zero divorces. But not all young people agree with this point of view. Many are convinced that marriages based on love have a better chance of lasting than arranged marriages, because of the idea of knowing the person for a longer time before marriage. Obviously, no marriage is better then the other and there is no way to determine which is better. Both forms of marriages are a traditional part of the cultures in which they are found; in each culture there are successful and unsuccessful marriages. But it is important as a society we are able to look at both views and find a middle ground; commonalties between both in order for people to understand and accept each form of marriage as unique.
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ReplyDelete"Man and Wife" by Katie Chase is a very interesting and unique short story. What I found most disturbing was not the fact that it is (or was) possible to plan arranged marriages for new couples of such contrasting age groups. Rather, it startled me more when the little girl (Mary) was not surprised or shocked at all when her parents told her about the engagement. Mary even took part of the celebration with her parents by drinking champagne as if she were happy for them to have made business. One may argue that it’s because the girl is still young and so she does not realize what is actually happening at the moment and does not understand the meaning and consequences of marriage. However, in the story, the author has put it very clearly that Mary is a smart girl and is aware of her surrounding. Besides, I believe a “nine and a half” year old girl should have already started to develop and grow a mature mind.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Mary’s age, I find it interesting that she identifies her age by saying “nine-and-a-half”. I find this funny because after reading this, I asked myself “since when have I stopped counting my age in halves?” I believe I stopped telling people my age this way since 10. Ah! How I miss the good old days when I used to proudly tell adults my age by saying “I’m 8-and-a-half!”
The class activity we did last week was a questionnaire about marriage and long term commitment. One of the questions led me to wonder whether there is a link between the willingness to seek couples counselling and the divorce rate. I think pre-marriage or couples counselling is very uncommon. It is hard to imagine any couple who plans to get married soon to go to such professional services because this may imply a sign of insecurity in regards to the relationship. Think of the following scenario:
The fiancé says: “Let’s go to counselling before we get married.”
The fiancée replies: “What?! You are not confident about our relationship? This must mean you’re not ready to commit.”
Therefore, even if one member of the couple feels the need to go to counselling, he or she may not want to risk their relationship/engagement, so he/she does not admit that he/she needs to seek advice. I suspect that most couples just prefer to keep quiet, go with the flow and decide that it’s best to just leave it for hope. So while they think that as long as they stay hopeful, everything should be fine; they are actually escaping from possible problems and conflicts. This in turn creates many issues in the long run- small and big- that sum up at the end leading to family fights and conflicts. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high. Couples, especially those who are young, should not be afraid to seek advice from professionals or from the more experienced and mature people. In my opinion, couples should be fully prepared and confident before getting married. They should be capable of making and settling their own decisions; after all, this should be a decision for life.
I really enjoyed the discussion that we had in class this week. It was fascinating to hear everyone’s thoughts on marriage and what they needed and expected from a future spouse. As we talked, some of the people in my group mentioned that their parents were divorced and that they split their time between them. I realized how privileged I was. My parents had their problems, but they never reached a point where they felt they could or should give up their marriage. As a result, I got to spend huge amounts of time with both parents. They found ways to divide the responsibilities of the household in a way that works for them. First one home cooks and that person then doesn’t have to wash up. My Mom has to be up early almost every day, so my Dad makes her breakfast in bed every Saturday. I feel so lucky to have had this example of what a marriage partnership can look like. I think I’ve been a little spoiled by it. I know that I will be looking for this attitude of give and take in any relationship in my future and I would find it hard to seriously consider marrying someone who didn’t feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteI also really enjoyed this week’s story. I thought the author was really trying to play on our western values and use them to shock us as much as possible. Despite this, I actually was not as creeped out by the relationship between these two as I thought I would be. For one thing, the idea of marriages with such an extreme age gap was cultural, not specific to this situation. Both of these people were subject to the demands of their environment. And secondly, the bride in this marriage ended up in a position of unheard of freedom in this culture. She not only was encouraged to continue her education, she was being groomed to take over her husband’s company, even in the event of a son being born. And lastly, I didn’t feel like the man she married was a pedophile. He seemed more lonely than lustful. He wanted companionship. I still don’t feel as though marriages of this kind are right. The older party would necessarily feel more like a parent than a spouse and the younger would always feel like a child and yet would never have a chance to have a full childhood. Having said this, lacking the ability to step in and instantly change the culture that produces such marriages, this one did not turn out as badly as it could have.
The second narrative presented this week about trusting a old friend and helping her get back on her feet was very interesting and I believe that I would have done the same thing. I retold the story to my boyfriend and was surprised to hear that he would not have taken in his friend if he knew that he use to do drugs and that they had drifted apart. I did not expect an answer like that from him because I assumed our personalities were quite similar. I reflected and asked why he would not take in his friend and he told me that if they had drifted apart then he would not know what kind of person he turned out to be. I guess his answer was true but that does not change my own answer. I still think that I would have offered my friend a place to stay regardless because I usually trust people until they prove that they do not deserve my trust.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that the questionnaire about marriage that we had to fill out had a lot of questions that I have already discussed with my close friends and my boyfriend. A past time that my best friend and I used to do was think of different scenarios and ask each other what we would do in each and determine how much of our answers reflect our personality and perceptions. We have asked each other many questions and provided many scenarios and many of those questions came up on the sheet of paper we received. I was actually quite delighted to fill out the sheet of questions on marriage and I was eager to show my boyfriend and ask him to answer them as well. These questions are a good start to a good relationship and knowing your significant others responses ahead of time is a good way to determine the future you two may have.
The short story “Man and Wife” was disturbing and eery on a different level than when I read “Brokeback Mountain”. I was disturbed by the graphic descriptive nature of “Brokeback Mountain” not the story itself. “Man and Wife” brought a different perception of reality. It was difficult to imagine the story because it was so different from reality. As I was reading the story I found it difficult to comprehend and I re-read it a few times to see if I missed a part on when a year or culture or religion was mentioned. I was frustrated and went online to research about the short story but found nothing much on it. It was confirmed in class that no religion, culture or time mentioned and everything fell into place. The story was written to let readers view the world in a different perspective. It made us think of “what if” situations which was hard to do when a set of norms are drilled into our brains from childhood. What if the norms were changed? What if it was a norm for girls to be engaged in a relationship with adult men? It was a norm in the story for girls to be wed to an older man but we are appalled if it happened in our current society because it goes against our norms and values.
After reading “Man and Wife”, I was left shocked and disturbed by the acceptance of such a young girl being married off to an elderly male. The calm nature within the story and that allowing a young girl to be married at such a young age was extremely disturbing to me. Also, I found it even stranger that the adults within the story treating the girl like a child but were still planning her wedding. Although the girl may have been mature and may have even been able to comprehend the idea of getting married to someone of an older age, I still feel that children should be allowed to be children and that it is really creepy to expect someone to go from playing with dolls to becoming a wife.
ReplyDeleteThe questionnaire taken in class had forced me to begin thinking about what I would really want within a marriage and how I would deal with some situations. Although I have taken some of the questions into account, I have not really considered it in depth. I was a bit surprised that my group had similar answers to mine. I feel that as I change throughout the years, my opinions regarding questions related to marriage will also change.
After listening to the narrative about having a former friend move in to your apartment, I felt empathetic for the narrator. I think that everyone has in one point or another attempted to find the best in a person despite what others tell them or from the person’s previous behaviour.
I found it very disturbing reading “Man and Wife”, because I did not expect it to be a relationship between a little girl and an old man. In our society, this would be considered a crime, but within the story it was a normal part of life for the characters. This story also got me thinking much deeper about how a women and sometimes men are treated like a dowry. In many societies around the world, this is still the case. Personally, I really think that it is wrong to put some type of monetary value on an individual, because it seems like putting a price tag on someone and selling them to another person in order to clear a debt. Also, it got me thinking how debatable this issue is because this is still okay in many parts of the world, and they might see our culture or customs as being backwards, or not the normal thing to do. That is why it would be such a hot topic to discuss, because marriage customs vary all around the world.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I really enjoyed the story on water skiing. This story showed a wonderful example on how time and great mentorship can make someone fulfill a task or an objective to his/her fullest. This was a great story to listen to because; it reminded me of when I started to play basketball. I think I was in grade 3 when I first began to learn the basics of playing basketball. At first, I played horrible compared to the other kids. I did have the height, but I was slow and didn’t have the skills to even dribble the ball past opponents. Less than a year later, I bought myself a basketball, and I began to play almost every day. I would play on the hoop for hours, practicing taking shots and trying to emulate my favorite player Michael Jordan. As well, I began to play with other kids in the neighborhood who were much better than me, and began to learn more about the game, as well, new skills set regarding basketball. Over time, I began to get better and better, and I was becoming well known throughout my school about how good I was in basketball. As well, I defeated the older kids, who were my mentors in basketball, in one on one games. As time progressed, I was well known for my skills in basketball, and it all came down to practicing everyday and learning from other people who helped guide me in my basketball skills.
March 31
ReplyDeleteIn my discussion group we spent the majority of our time discussion the questionnaire. I found this questionnaire easy to answer. I have been thinking about the question: Do siblings of the opposite sex help paper you for living with a spouse? At first, I did not thing this was true. Have a younger brother with an age difference of four years. We have very different personalities. I was always very independent and he needs guidance. I think it is because culturally in the Philippines the eldest child is assigned more chores and responsibilities as compared to younger sibling. I did not want a spouse to be someone I had clean up after or having to always be the one to care for them because in a relationship it should go both ways. Chores need to be evenly shared and when I need to be taken care of, he should be at least willing. Then I realized that in living with a younger brother, is preparing me for living with a spouse. I learned that all the chores should be distributed evenly in order to live cohesively. The little things that men do such as devour sandwich meat that last me days longer or leaving the toilet seat up. After learning the hard way, I now make a conscious effort to check before I sit down. I assume my future spouse will carry out these similar behaviors. Thus proving to me that living with a brother does in fact prepare me for living with a spouse.
The narrative that was read of helping a friend, who was deeply involved in drugs, sparked a memory of one of my own experiences. In grade nine I had become close friend with girls from my hockey team. They were some of the first friends I made that were not in my isolated French immersion programme. These girls are twins and this made our hockey trips twice as much fun. They were amazing athletes. We also played on a rep soccer team together. We spent our winters going on hockey trips together, and our summers going on soccer trips. This all changed when they started hitting the party scene. At first it was a drink or two. Then a joint or two, then they got into the wrong crowd. Despite my warnings, they were curious to explore this drug abusive crowd. This decision they made had affected their home life as well as their school life. They dropped their extra-curricular activities which disappointed me. I was still in contact with their mother who called me crying one day. Even their grand-parents, whom I was close to, lost hope in their future. Like our reader, I to wanted to be hopeful for their future. I sent e-mails, saying how devastated I was and hope they snap out of this faze. I felt as though they were completely different people and I had lost two very close friends. I still send e-mails once every couple months asking how their school life and home life is going. I encouraged them to rejoin their sport teams and work hard. I never fail to mention how I hope to see them graduate in 2010. To my surprise this story may have a happy ending. I have received word from both of them and their mother. Slowly but surely they are falling out of that faze. I will always be looking for the friends I once had back in middle school. When they were off doing crazy things, I knew enough to step back. And now they want to improve their lives and I have confidence that they will. I find that it is up to the people who are abusing drugs to take the initiative. It is not enough for you to want to help them. They have to want to help themselves. Besides being hopeful, I feel that just being there for them when they decide to come back to reality is the best thing I can do. This might make a good narrative... thanks for the inspiration!